Regrets
by singeylove
Summary: After abandoning and hurting her, fate brings Lydia and Draco back together years later. Will they take a chance and admit their love for each other undoing their biggest regrets? Or are they still too damaged and will they go their separate ways?
1. Old Endings and New beginnings

**Regrets**

"We're over," The blond simply stated, indifference obvious in his voice.

"What? Why?" Her voice barely a whisper, a pair of chocolate eyes already sparkling with unshed tears. She reached out a hand, but he pulled away as though he didn't he even want to touch her anymore. The Room of Requirement had always been a place of warmth and happy, tender memories for them but despite the roaring fire she felt frozen. Just like his heart.

Draco Malfoy raised himself to his full height, looking down at the girl through his nose, grey eyes focused on her, but cold. "I don't want you anymore, Lydia. You're nothing special and you care too much. You're weak and pathetic. Why would anyone want you? You claim to be in love with me, well I hate to break it to you sweetie, but love is not real and even if it was, you along with Granger are the last people I would ever choose to spend the rest of my life with" He spat patronisingly.

Scathingly he continued: "I didn't love you, I wanted to screw you and leave you. But obviously you are too frigid and useless, to even do something as primitive as that. You're so bloody self-righteous, you ungrateful Gryffindor bitch, and you think you're a pureblood, more like a blood traitor." She yelped as if he had hit her but Draco just rolled his eyes at the tears now flowing freely, no streaming down her cheeks, leaving dirty mascara trials in their wake, and she was trembling too. But her eyes were not weak, they were hard with anger the deep brown irises penetrated his soul, but there was pain behind them which was evident for Draco to see.

He hated himself for doing this to her, but it was for the best, it had to be. He couldn't watch her get hurt, and it be all his own fault. Well physically hurt. However, what he didn't realise was that physical pain ends eventually; emotional pain is lifelong and fifty times as painful as any wound. He held is left forearm, through his jacket and could still feel it burning. She was too important. Draco turned away from the special girl, and then spun on heel pulling her into his arms tightly, his eyes lidded focusing on remembering what she felt like, knotting his long fingers into her dark mane. A lone tear slid slowly along the length of his pale cheek. Then again he turned away swiftly and left the heavy doors slamming shut in his wake. Lydia stood confused as to what she had done wrong; a river flew down her olive cheeks wishing he would come back for her. Draco had to leave her; he knew this, for her sake he could never return to her.

The next few years became a blur of sadness, hatred, war and disappointment. Draco had to follow Lucius, Lydia had liked to pretend that Draco was different, but once again she was bitterly wrong about him. The war came to a joyous end with good vanquishing evil, people healed, the evil repented and cracks in Lydia's heart slowly began to repair, though the fundamental fault lines remained vulnerable and were ready to be reopened at anytime. All who fought for good such as Lydia received good jobs, salaries and reputations; some had even married and settled down. Lydia was the anomaly to the pureblood society she grew up in; she fought for good and was of pure heart. What happened to the Malfoys? Lucius was condemned to life in Azkaban for high treason, being a death eater and general lawlessness and would remain there lifelong. Narcissa and Draco both escaped prison; they made their plea to the judges saying that it was all Lucius who forced them and that they had no choice. It was surprising to all that Draco got off, with the mark on his arm and an icy soul in his body ,but the jury were manipulated by Draco's charming personality and completely taken advantage of by his injured, lost little boy face. Or at least that's how Lydia told the story of Draco, after the trial of the boy turned man who she now despised.

It was now July four years after the war and the word had spread in pureblood society that Narcissa Malfoy was now dying, the strain on her heart of losing her husband, her only son on trial and the pain over the past few years of losing the girl she regarded as her daughter had finally finished her. She was slowly passing and it was estimated by the Medi-Wizards that she now didn't have long to live. Lydia mustered all of the courage she had left and apparated to the building she had once considered her second home, after Hogwarts of course. When most would bring white lilies, Lydia carried a large bouquet of bright yellow sunflowers to try and raise Narcissa's spirits as well as her own. Lydia dressed smartly for this difficult occasion a white tea-dress with large yellow floral print and white straps and corresponding hemline skirt trim. To match she wore expensive white wedges and carried an equally valuable large tan tote bag on her shoulder. Pushing her oversized designer sunglasses onto her head, smoothing her dress and taking a deep breath she rang the doorbell. Lydia was surprised when the door quickly slammed open sharply and something crashed into her calves. Looking down startled she realised it was Loppy the house elf loudly crying.

"Oh Miss Lydia, I have missed you and Mrs Malfoy is ill and the young Mr. Malfoy is not the same anymore." Releasing his clutch on Lydia and pushing himself up, his large ears flopping, Loppy now looked annoyed, "Why haven't you visited?" waggling a finger at her kneecap. Lydia painted on a false scarlet lipstick smile, ignoring the difficult question and asking if she could come in. After she entered the familiar large marble formal entrance hall, she asked if Draco was in.

"Yes Miss, follow me," the elf squeaked proudly, grabbing her hand eagerly. Lydia was shown (well dragged) to the drawing room by Loppy, which she knew well after many: Christmases, summers, Parties, Birthdays and generally growing up. Lydia's red expertly manicured nails bit into the flower stems tightly; however her face was cool and blank. Blaise Zabini lounged lazily across a large heavily padded settee, with what appeared to be a large brandy in one of the antique crystal glasses on the end table and a cigar dangling from his mouth arrogantly. Draco, no Malfoy, sat in a large leather arm chair throwing back another glass of whisky.

Draco stood shocked, his was face hollow and grey, and his lean frame now looking thin obviously stress was taking its toll. However, he was still extraordinarily attractive.

"Lydia, why are you here?" he questioned warily looking back and forth from her to Zabini and his raised eye brows.

"Your Mother wrote to me Malfoy. Asking for my presence today, as she wanted to say goodbye" her words harsh and cold with no sense of warmth or familiarity, her walls were up. Loppy led her upstairs to the east wing landing, where she sat in a large arm chair waiting for the doctor to leave. Admiring the carpet in detail, rather than focus on the pull on her heart; the thick cream pile and the stain she recognised as a bottle of Butterbeer she spilt at Draco's fourteenth birthday gathering. Looking up from the neutral carpet she saw a discarded copy of today's Daily Prophet on the coffee table, she picked up the thick paper and then when she looked down to the front page the newspaper slid out of her fingers numbly. There face up, on the thick pile navy carpet, was an image of Draco with his arm around his new fiancé. Astoria Greengrass batted her huge green eyes at the cameras her long auburn hair falling in gentle waves. Lydia picked up the article, with extreme caution, as though it would bite her. She sat numbly staring at the image, when the Medi-Wizard left and Loppy beckoned Lydia inside. She felt as though her knees would give out, when she read on to that the hype was about the Malfoy-Greengrass wedding tomorrow!

"Jesus Christ "said Zabini under his breath, looking up from his own copy of the Prophet, Draco already looked like death and as though he wanted to stab someone, pacing the expensive imported Persian carpet into the ground. " Drake, you might want to read this," Zabini quietly urged. From the gravity of his voice Draco was jolted from his inner-monologue; he stalked towards Blaise, and roughly snatched the article from his hand.

"Blaise, I have already read this. Astoria made sure to show me her hair in this photo this morning." Draco spat.

"Look at the rest" was the only response Blaise gave. Draco opened out the folded back newspaper and fell into the identical settee opposite Blaise. The main article was a comparison of the Malfoy- Greengrass Wedding and another tomorrow the Sharpe-Nott wedding! There on her finger was a large oval cut diamond on a gold band a painted smile on Lydia's face, much like the one she had earlier. What disturbed Draco most was that he knew Lydia would hate that ring; she had always wanted a princess cut white diamond on white gold band, not yellow. It's not like she doesn't have a voice she certainly knows what she wants and isn't afraid to say it.

"I don't understand" Draco whispered dumbly, fixated on the article and the ring on her finger and one of his old friends on her arm.

"You didn't expect her to wait around forever for you mate? Did you? You moved on, you proposed to Astoria, why shouldn't she?" Blaise gave the difficult sort of guidance only a best friend could give.

A string of profanities came from Draco next; he stood up and stormed out of the drawing room, slamming the heavy oak doors for effect. Punishing Blaise's eardrums, for what his had to hear. However, Draco was suffering the greatest punishments of all for his mistakes and was suffering for it every day, but he didn't deserve this, nothing like this. He walked upstairs aimlessly following his feet, to where they led him, and she was his other magnet and polar opposite. So entirely different, but completely attracting together and pulling away from that force had taken a lot of strong will, brute force and pain. He watched her from a few steps behind, palm firmly clutching the ornate gold doorknob the oval cut diamond sparkling in the midmorning sunlight. But she was motionless; her eyes were closed mascara trains staining her cheeks, a flashback of her similar to this as a teenager haunted Draco. She was muttering to herself a motivational speech to hold her courage and to summon her strength to face her fears. The exact same speech she had given herself that morning before leaving home, to Malfoy Manor.

"Are you going to go in there, or just stand talking to yourself like a raving lunatic" Draco mocked scathingly. Lydia span round so fast her brown tresses fell over her face and her neck cracked. Clutching her neck, she glared at Malfoy eyes fiery and body rigid and stiff.

"Piss off" She growled quietly with aggression rumbling in her throat, surprising Draco with her venom, throwing open the heavy polished cream double doors. She strode in looking confident but trembling all over but the sight that met her was worse than anything that she had imagined. The once exquisite room with it cream walls and pale coral carpet was dimly lit, the air was hot and sticky, and the floor to ceiling windows and balcony doors were all firmly closed and the thick, heavy drapes were pulled closed over the top blocking out almost all of the light. The white wood dressing table from Paris was in a thick layer of dust, almost untouched dinner plates piled up on every surface and the worst sight was the bed. The cream Chinese silk sheets were crumpled, with the matching exotic silk duvet and its cover cast onto the floor. But the worst sight was the skeletal figure inhabiting the enormous super king sized bed, completely overpowered in a dirty periwinkle blue nightdress. How long had she been ill? Her hair was thin and grimy, hanging limply around the woman's shrivelled face and there was not an ounce of makeup or her notorious Red Rouge Allure Chanel lipstick that she always donned. The shadow of a woman that used to be the beautiful Narcissa Malfoy smiled weakly. Summoning Loppy, Lydia had all of the dirty plates cleared away; she pulled back the curtains with a simple charm and threw open the double doors of the balcony allowing the wind to sway the light drapes underneath, blowing outwards like a bride's train. Automatically the room felt lighter and less suffocating, as though there was more air inside it. Sitting on the chair next to the bed, Lydia took Narcissa's hand.

"Better?" She asked hopefully. Narcissa nodded her head smiling softly. "I've missed you; I've missed our lunches and this house" the girl sighed sincerely.

"You were always welcome here, no matter what happened with you and Draco. You are so much more than an ex-girlfriend of my son's. You're my daughter, or the closest thing I had, or will ever have." Narcissa croaked earnestly her voice hoarse. Lydia stood and put the sunflowers in an empty vase, it was only a distraction though to hide her guilty tears.

"I didn't know what to do, I was so hurt by Draco" she took a gulp and controlled her breathing "It was so hard to visit, I tried to, but every time I stood outside the gates it was so painful and I just was consumed by not wanting to see him. Wait, what about Astoria, surely you love her too?"

Narcissa slowly shook her head "Astoria will not ever be a third of the woman you are now. She's selfish, rude and very materialistic. You are all I will ever want for Draco, you would make him happy. Astoria has asked several times for my engagement ring which is an heirloom, but it isn't hers to have."

"No, no Draco and I are completely wrong for each other. We are different, too different. We don't love each other anymore and as for Astoria she always seemed a bitch, sorry."

Narcissa smiled and nodded wisely, she was essentially the saviour of the Wizarding world, but never got acknowledged, without her lie to the Dark Lord the world they lived in would be a much darker place.

"Now darling, we have important matters to discuss." Narcissa stated determinedly and professionally, clasping her chipped nails on her lap. "You're wedding being one. Don't make mistakes this consequential and vital to your future. Don't sell yourself to an unhappy marriage, I know about that. However, I sold myself for unrequited love and blood purity. You too are doing the same thing but you are marrying the one of less pure blood and whom you know you do not, and will not ever love. How long have you been engaged now?" This was the question Narcissa had a feeling she knew the answer to, but had to be sure.

"Oh, I've been engaged my whole life." Lydia whispered darkly "To your son, or so my parents thought, and when they realised that wasn't going to happen they found an alternative option, after all no pureblood reaches twenty one unmarried."

Narcissa wasn't going to tell this new light to Draco, he needed to work that out for himself, but he might need a little push. That was Zabini's job; even Blaise didn't know that he had only been invited to the Manor to force Draco to face his mistakes.

The Grand Staircase as Malfoy Manor was beautiful to behold with its white Italian marble and mahogany handrails, it was separated in two halves which spilt and met becoming a landing at the top. From here the Manor was more homely with carpets and paintings which were slightly less expensive and were more personal taste than a demonstration of wealth. Blaise padded up the stairs anxiously, worrying what Malfoy would be destroying whether it would be his life or personal possessions. Blaise was pleasantly surprised to find Draco sat on the landing outside his mother's room talking to himself. Sitting in the other chair on the other side of the coffee table Blaise considered how to tackle Malfoy and his ever changing, dramatic and sometimes quite frightening emotions. That was one thing about Draco; he always spoke with either raw passion or pure idleness.

"Your mother really loves her and I think you still do too. Why don't you talk to Lydia at least apologise for what you did to her, explain the truth to her Draco, it will improve the situation."

"What good will it do anyway Blaise? She is getting married in the morning, and so am I. It's too late." Draco spoke gravely and wallowing in self pity.

"Your mother will never accept Astoria, she hates her. Deep down I think you do too, as she is everything Lydia is not. You scorned Lydia though, wounded her; love is not mean to be easy Draco. If you fight for her, I think she would surprise you, and she definitely won't marry Nott in the morning if she knows everything. That girl in there is definitely not over you, no matter what you say; now get off your arse and fight." Straightforwardly Blaise tried to make his best friend see reason, see what he was letting go of, losing because he was scared.

At that moment Lydia stumbled out of the master bedroom, her eyes were red raw from crying and her face was swollen, but Draco still found her the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Draco stood looking at her, completely understanding her pain, Narcissa was as much Lydia's mother as his. Surprising everyone in the room, including herself, Lydia flung herself into Draco's arms and wept. She cried for the stealthily approaching end of Narcissa's life, she sobbed for the loss of her boyfriend and best friend, she howled like a lone wolf for the end of everything she had come to love.

"Draco? Draco?" Drifted a high feminine voice, the voice was not melodic or soft but demanding and stern, not the way a fiancé should. The voice of the other woman sliced the amicable silence like a knife, Lydia flung herself away from Draco, eyes wide, backing away, she looked terrified and disgusted by what she had done, instantly regretting the first moment she had spent with Draco for seven years.

"Notify me with updates on your mother's health, I best be going, I have to go and... Bye" Lydia rushed and swiftly left passing an irritated Astoria on the landing. Once out of the gates she apparated home, she sat at the kitchen wracking her brain as to how she had ended up in that situation. Lydia sat swirling another glass of red wine in a large glass, watching the blood- like liquid swill and ripple with her every movement. It reminded her of the war. Of the bloodshed, the loses and the evil that committed such horrifying crimes. Though what Lydia could never understand was why she fought against the boy she loved, her parents and her class for a cause she wasn't sure she truly understood. There would never be only goodness in the world; evil would always exist, just to different degrees. Tragedy is meant to bring people together and make them stronger, united. But not for her and Draco they fought against each other on opposite sides of a high wall. The wall was not constructed by leaders or groups, Draco and Lydia created that wall and brick by brick it became taller and wider and stronger, giving it less and less chance of collapsing. What frightened Lydia though was that the protective wall that she created was quickly crumbling, the mortar was flaking from between the stonework and it was weaker and more unstable than ever before and was more likely to fall to pieces. The foundations for the wall were strong though, purpose built and you couldn't forget what was supposed to be there. That's what scared her she knew why it was there but couldn't prevent her protection from falling apart around her. Now he could cross her frontier she would be vulnerable without it but she could still see the basis of why that wall had been put there and the scar in the fractured land was still evident.

However, Draco couldn't run away like Lydia, he watched a large brick fall from his wall it landed noticeably at his feet. Astoria was screaming and demanding what he was doing and why he didn't even comment on her new shoes, why he never noticed anything.

Astoria's shrieks had reached an ear-splitting frequency that Draco was pretty sure that only dogs should be able to hear. "Draco Malfoy, you wouldn't even notice if I arrived home naked and performed a naked belly dance for you and Blaise. You never understand or notice me!" To highlight her argument she stamped her foot twice into the carpet, like a petulant four year old throwing a tantrum.

"I think I would notice if you did that 'Stor, and we are not married yet, this is still my home not yours" announced coldly whilst grinning perversely. Draco was then forced to throw his hands over his ears as the screeching got louder and even more painful.

"Oh my god Draco! You're missing the point, you're marrying me, and you just can't understand me. You won't understand! You didn't even notice my hair Draco, or the new shoes. You bloody bought them, for Merlin's sake" Waiving the key to the Malfoy Gringotts vault, which she took from the drawer in his vile mother's dressing table. Astoria couldn't understand what she had done wrong, she was perfect: pure blooded, a Slytherin, the most beautiful young witch of her age, head and shoulders above the do-gooder Sharpe girl. Then it hit Astoria why Draco was the way he was, why he had no time for her, no interest in her or her wedding it was the girl, it had to be. Astoria was not stupid in fact she was quite astute, she knew Lydia and Draco both loved each other; that they never let the ideology of happily ever after go either. But Astoria was a manipulative, spiteful and selfish person; she wanted what Draco could give her: wealth, a good name, access to the pure blood hierarchy ultimately power. She had little feelings for Draco; in fact Astoria had few emotions at all and didn't really care for or love anybody other than the annoying older sister who she merely tolerated and the person she saw when she looked in the mirror. Lydia had been kept a token within pure blood society, she was the one who fought for Potter, she was meant to prove that there was still hope for pure bloods that they weren't all Death Eaters- but Lydia never really acted like a pure blood to begin with. She attended the parties and was beautiful and careful .But she mingled and befriended mudbloods and blood traitors alike, she was a very unusually pureblood. However, Lydia was a very extraordinary girl. Privately Astoria knew that Draco liked the idea of redemption and atoning for his wrong doings during the war, it all seemed to fit that loving a member of the DA and the Order would help him to achieve that. He was a very different man to the schoolboy he once was.

Therefore, some harsh words were in order for Astoria to get what she wanted. "You don't honestly think you and Lydia could work do you Draco?" Astoria said this phrase seemingly innocently, but she spat the other girls name as though it was an insult. Astoria gave a short shriek of cold laughter "She doesn't love you, she hates you. Did you hear me Draco? Lydia. HATES. YOU! You hurt her so badly the first time; she'll never take you back. You lost her, and you have a better woman in front of you but you're a blind fool who doesn't give a shit because you're too busy pining like a kicked puppy over that stupid bitch, she is as much of a blood traitor as the Weasleys" Astoria was no longer screeching like a spoilt little girl, she was shouting the tirade at Draco but her voice dropped menacingly low, almost a whisper.

"And you my darling, are well on your way too." The look in Draco's eyes frightened Astoria, it was an emotion she didn't recognise or understand. Draco remembered the pain in her eyes when he said those words to Lydia and he hated himself for it, he grabbed Astoria by throat and pushed her up against the wall smashing a vase and kicking a chair aside in the process.

"Don't ever call Lydia a blood traitor. Ever." He threatened seething into Astoria's terrified face. Draco released her, and she fled down the staircase attempting fruitlessly to flounce away, slamming the Manor door on her way out. But it was more like bolting with terror.

"Nicely handled there Drake. Nice to see some of the old cruel, ruthless and overall callous Malfoy is still within your soppy soul." Blaise sarcastically smiled.

Draco turned on heel ignoring Blaise and entered his mother's bedroom. Draco was gone for many hours and as Blaise Zabini watched from a window worrying constantly about his best friend as afternoon became dusk which became sunset and eventually night. At ten thirty Draco staggered from the room clutching a sheet of parchment in one hand and a sunflower in the other, he stumbled towards Blaise and eventually sunk to the ground leaning heavily against the door. "She's gone." Draco whispered quietly his voice cracked and thick and a lone tear slid down his pale sunken cheek. "My mother Blaise, the doctor and I watched her pass in her sleep- he said it was painless. We spoke for hours, before she became weak and slept. Lydia, tidied her room opened the curtains." Blaise no longer saw Draco, he saw a broken shell of a man. Slowly Blaise moved from the window and sat beside Draco on the landing, and did the only thing he knew how to do. He took Draco into his arms and let him cry, Draco's facade was lost and he wept into Blaize's shoulder, and feeling for his best friend Blaise began to quietly shed a few single tears too. Draco showed the parchment to Blaise, a few moments later unsure of what to do next, clutching the sunflower for dear life.

"Fuck Astoria, go to her." Blaise urged passionately.


	2. Coming Together and Ripping Apart

Coming Together and Ripping Apart

The rain was driving outside like tiny bullets, within seconds you would be drenched to the bone, the sky was dark and there was an overriding feeling of something ominous approaching. As thunder cracked like a giant whip outside a hammering started on the white painted townhouse door. The house was light and spacious with high ceilings with light coloured walls and cream thick carpets. An old muggle romance film played on the enormous fifty inch television in the corner of the room, the sound of powerful ballads filling the room in an attempt to drown out sorrow and the weather outside. A sentence then purely made of curses and profanities filled the apartment of number six, Crestwell Drive. "Draco?" Only just a whisper she murmured his name but the torrential downpour drowned out the words of both parties. There stood Draco Malfoy outside Lydia Sharpe's front door, drenched to the bone and looking thoroughly annoyed.

"You best come in." Opening the door wider, she took a risk allowing him into her home. He stood dripping rainwater everywhere in her hallway, his flaxen hair plastered to his head ( hence his grumpy face) and clothes drenched, he was soaked through his shirt entirely see-through (and a distraction) and trembling now from cold- no matter how much he tried to conceal it. Lydia headed upstairs and after rummaging around for quite some time emerged with a male dressing gown and a pair of boxer shorts. However when she reached the kitchen she found Draco inside, opening and closing the fridge repeatedly watching the bright light flicker off and on again. She handed him the clothes silently, turning away as he undressed, watching from the kitchen the missiles of rain bounce off the tarmac-ed road outside. They still had not spoken a work since passing indoors, but Lydia could tell by Draco's disgusted expression that he was disgruntled. "Don't worry they aren't Nott', I find it comfortable sometimes wearing baggy clothes before I go to bed or have a shower, it's relaxing." Her voice was light and airy like the apartment they stood in, trying to cover up that both of them were helpless and clueless with their emotions.

It was as though apart from the awkward and slightly hostile atmosphere nothing had changed between the two of them, Lydia made Draco a large steaming mug of coffee. It was perfect. Just how he remembered, just how he liked it (black, no sugar) nobody else, Draco included, could ever get it the same. He relaxed onto one of the black leather bar stools at the island in the kitchen, watching his clothes go round and round in the tumble drier. The way his thoughts and the things that he needed to say were also going around in his mind, in a disorientated, disarrayed jumble of stuff, they were so chaotic that you couldn't tell what they were to begin with.

She stood impatiently tapping her foot on the stone floor and her red nails on the black granite. She had changed her clothes now and was wearing a comfortable pair of dark blue jeans and a striped polo shirt, a pair of hot pink and black zebra print fluffy slippers were situated on her feet and her hair in a bun on top of her head and in an entirely different way to this morning she looked just as beautiful to Draco. But the funny thing was she was thinking the exact same thing about him.

Opening the black Italian leather satchel at his feet, wordlessly he pushed a large piece of parchment across the island, towards Lydia.

She had only read the first sentence declaring that it was Narcissa's Will she was reading, when she burst into tears. "No it's not what I think. It can't have happened. No..." Draco interrupted her still emotionless simply telling her to read on.

"If your here Draco, just to show me how much your mother loved you, then grow up! Ah, you want to show me what I'm missing out on-money-wise. You always were a cold, cruel bastard." She spat through tears, she was insulted that Draco brought over his mothers will moments after she died purely to show her that he was receiving all of her money and entire estate and shares.

"Just shut up and read on" Draco snapped angrily. She glared at him through tears , giving the dirtiest look she could muster, she had let him inside her walls emotionally and literally and this was how he was treating her. She lowered her eyes back onto the parchment. She gasped covering her mouth with a palm. "She left me all of her jewellery-even the heirlooms. She especially wants me to have her engagement ring and Malfoy family bracelet." Lydia breathed shocked; the Malfoy heirlooms were priceless and valuable. The engagement ring was a huge white square cut diamond worth more than all of the large townhouses on Crestwell Drive put together. The ring was coveted by every woman she knew. Especially Astoria, who always had her beady, calculating eyes on it. And the bracelet held the Malfoy crest, it was a bangle of a serpent eating its tail; the eyes of the snake were large priceless emeralds, and the crest was engraved on the inside. These were meant to be Astoria's by right as the next lady of Malfoy Manor. She was going to be so pissed off with Lydia. Draco then handed her an envelope with Narcissa's, cursive lady like script, which was recognisable at once. She ran her fingers across the page and brought the parchment to her nose, breathing deeply and inhaling the scent of the woman she thought of as her mother. The scent she would never get back, the smile she would never see, the laugh would be gone. Lydia realised she was being selfish, she may have lost the woman she regarded as her mother, but Draco lost the person he cared most for in the world. The person who had never doubted him, or hated him, he was a lost little boy again; just as he was during the years she hated to remember. He was a lost little boy but this time he no longer had his Mummy's legs to hide behind, or to stroke his hair comfortingly. Growing up with him she knew more than anyone how much Draco loved Narcissa. "I'm sorry Dray." She admitted the pain evident in her voice. Draco's head shot up, eyes wide in shock. She shocked herself too, that it may not have been just this event she was apologising for. Lydia had not called Draco, her tender nick-name for him for so long and the way it was warm and pleasant as it rolled off her tongue and it frightened her.

Her hands shook as she opened the thick envelope, the parchment was expensive and had large spirals indented into the paper, it was ladylike, classy, elegant and expensive. Typical Narcissa.

_My dear sweet daughter,_

_I have so many reasons to love you, too many to express now. But the main reason is your heart which one day I hope will warm and thaw and perhaps Draco will be able to patch up the heart he knows that he broke. Now, I know my son better than anyone else in the world and sweetheart, he loves you. Draco has never been the best at understanding his emotions or voicing them, but he does love you and would give anything for you. Knowing my son, I don't think that he left you and hurt you because he didn't care or wanted to, I believe he did it to protect you from the Dark Lord, he did not want anything to happen to you should he fail. And he has regretted losing you every day since; you are his biggest regret and pretend. He does not hate you and you my dear certainly as much as you imagine, do not hate him either. Love is a stronger emotion than hate; you cannot just fall out of true love. Do not make the mistake I did marrying for status and wealth; I loved Lucius though, but never like you and Draco. You are both making the biggest mistakes of your lives; do not marry someone you cannot love. I never would want either of you to be unhappy. Draco could not just stop loving you, he owes you everything. I was surprised when you became a barrister for the Wizengamot, but nevertheless thrilled by your success; hence why I was again surprised but delighted when you took Draco's case. I never thought you would. Everyone said he was just like Lucius and so deserved the same punishment, but you saw the real him. You always saw past his bullshit, (Excuse my French) and you made the jury see the real Draco too. Everyone said Draco's case was a hopeless one, but you fought not just for justice, or pay, or even me, you fought for the love that still remained within you, even if you were not aware of it yourself. Lydia you need him and he needs you more than you can ever know, please give him a chance to understand himself as well your need for him to know you. I gave you my jewellery as you are a Malfoy, and it is in my eyes rightfully yours not any others woman's you will always be my daughter, Astoria never will be, she horrid .But I am sure Theodore Nott is equally vile. Promise me this: if you do marry anyone but my son do not wear my engagement ring on your wedding finger. You're Draco's soul mate, you two truly were made as a pair. All grate love stories have the hardest obstacles to overcome, you two need each other. Do not cry for me, I am forever with you. In your heart._

_My love always_

_Narcissa x_

A strangled sob emerged from the back of her throat, her disguise fell and the troubled, broken young woman appeared. She fell to the kitchen floor sobbing and shaking she pulled her knees to her chest and began to rock back and forth and cry harder than ever. Draco didn't understand what was happening; he threw himself off the stool and ran to her. He prised the letter from her clutch. He was illuminated with the truth and realised that they were just walls usually not her genuine emotions, being cold was a protective mask so she couldn't feel pain anymore. Draco put both hands under her chin and roughly forced her to look at him. "Is this true? All of it? It's not just my mother being deluded? Answer me." He said all of this seriously but he was not intimidating. Ashamedly she nodded her head, she couldn't deny it anymore she still loved him. Single tears fell down her face, she wasn't crying for Narcissa any longer. It was time for Draco to face the destruction he created and sort out everything.

"She's right, I do love you, I always have." He whispered fervently. Draco quickly grabbed her wrist as she tried blindly to hit him. "I'm sorry and she's right, every day I thought about you, what I did, and I have always regretted ever leaving you alone in that room. I left you because of this" he lifted the sleeve of the dressing gown, showing her the mark branded hideously into his left forearm. "I was scared for you, I couldn't let you get hurt for me, and I wouldn't have survived without you. I needed you to be contented and healthy and to live a regular life, I couldn't give you that, it was the only way I could be sure that you were safe. But clearly that never worked out. It was always you. I should never have lied to you; I thought that if I hurt you badly enough you forget about me and what we were. If I had messed up my mission, you would have forfeited your life. I couldn't be that selfish, it wasn't fair to you. I only wanted to protect you, and I'm not sorry about that and the fact that you're alive." Draco was honest and sincere; all he wanted was her back, for good. He slackened his grip on her face and she looked away and then walked away from him back towards the large kitchen window, still she watched the rain pelting the pavements incessantly, when she turned to him back tears were in her eyes.

"I'm sorry too. For being a cold bitch, but it was a strategy for self preservation, so I would never have to feel like that again." She looked away fiddling by tidying up the coffee cup and magically putting it back in the cupboard over head. Draco stood and walked towards her back, wrapping his arms around her waist, Lydia closed her eyes leaning into the embrace she then turned in his arms so that she was facing him. She looked up at him her eyes still shining with unshed tears. "You hurt me." She whispered.

"Yes, I did." He replied honestly

"Don't do it again." He then leant down, crashing his lips onto her passionately. The kiss was tender and romantic for a while, with her fingers buried deep in his hair, and his hand stroked the exposed flesh where her shirt had ridden up at the base of her back. But very quickly they both became needy and passionate, he took hold of the band holding her hair on top of her head and snapped it roughly, allowing her dark hair to flow down and curl over the top of her shoulders. Relishing in this he fisted his hands in her hair, adoring the silky, smooth texture and how she felt in his arms, he ran his hands underneath her hair and grabbed a fistful of her, at the back of her head down to the nape of her neck. He lifted her so they were at a similar height and she wrapped her legs around his waist, fighting for dominance as his tongue snaked into her mouth. He began taking off her shirt, whilst suckling contentedly on her neck.

"No, the bedroom. That way" she gasped.

She quickly unbuttoned his shirt with nimble fingers as he made short work of her shirt and bra. Draco loved the feeling of closeness, flesh on flesh. He missed her, but they had never been together like this before. A look of fear came across her features, eyes widening like a frightened doe.

"Dray, I ..." she trailed off. With nervousness, never finding the right man, war and work she had never gotten this far with anyone or dated another man. She realised this was because, it was him, always Draco, never could she dream of loving anyone else. Draco reassured her, knotting his hands and tacking fistfuls of thick dark hair again as he threw her onto the bed., crawling up her body towards her. Eyeing her unashamedly, relishing in the sight of her naked torso and wild mane. Neither of them had ever felt like that before, as though in a clouded mixture of love and lust, it was difficult to see where one ended and the other began.

Neither knew how much later, they lay together, just holding each other completely exhausted and satisfied. Draco tattooed kisses all over her shoulders, from behind as he snuggled towards her. Actually for once in his life allowing himself to attach himself to a girl enough to spoon, but then again to Draco, Lydia wasn't just some girl, she was THE girl, his one girl for eternity. Draco didn't know if she was even awake (or perhaps he was the one asleep simply dreaming) but he had to say it, merely a whisper but laced full of passion, his voice thick also with emotion, due to the pure exhilarated from the miracle of getting her back "I love you." A large grin spread across her face, she turned in his arms to face him.

"Really?" She questioned happily, nothing could ever beat this moment, Draco laughed with her marvelling how truly beautiful she was, he would never, ever want another lover.

"Yes. Really, really. I love you always have, always will." He said like it was the most simple thing in the world, he smiled down at her, and she burrowed closer to him, Draco took her round the waist pulling her even further towards him, resting her head on his chest. He placed his chin on the top of her head, kissing her hair and inhaling her smell deeply. Draco watched her fall asleep captivated by her, a single tear fell from his eyes and slid along his pale cheek, he was blessed to have re-found her , and for Lydia to still allow Draco into her life as well as her heart, proved to Draco that perhaps Potter was right all along about the strength and importance of love.

Blaise opened the bedroom door thrilled at what he saw before him, they had found each other. The sun flooded in from the large bay windows, onto them, illuminating the scene and how passionately and fiercely they still loved. Draco was asleep on his back, his arms loosely wrapped around Lydia's waist, who was laid on top of Draco's chest. Lydia stirred quietly, cracking an eye open analysing Zabini, she began to kiss Draco's chest, a nice way for him to start the day. Stormy grey met chocolate brown, as their eyes locked. "Good Morning" she sighed softly, smiling.

"Hello sweetheart" he smiled lazily, as an afterthought, because she woke him he added cheekily "Do you want to go again? Just give me a minute." Laughing embarrassed, she playfully slapped the chest she was laying on, truthfully she did want to go again but not in front of Draco's friend who had not yet spoken. Lydia looked at her lover, mentally questioning if it really only took him a minute and then allowed her eyes to drift over towards the former Slytherin studying them intently.

"Screw off Zabini, I'm busy" Draco growled irritated. Lydia rolled her eyes at the blond, pulling the white bed sheets up a bit more, to cover herself, she sat up to talk to Draco's friend.

"How can I help you Blaise?" she asked smiling, nothing could ruin her mood today. Draco never was a morning person she remembered, as he pulled her back down onto his chest, not allowing her back up.

"I came to collect Draco before the coven of witches arrives" Blaise spoke dryly. Both of the bed dwellers brains were still muggy and fuzzy with sleep and love, confused as to what Zabini meant.

Blaise continued trying to clarify, shattering the peace, "You two have clearly forgotten that you are both getting married today. Not to each other" Blaise added the last part to remove any confusion. Terror graced Lydia's features and she grabbed a hot pink silk short nightdress from the bedside drawer, slipped it on and threw herself from the bed pacing, her eyes were wide with fear and pain. Completely perplexed by her reaction, Draco pulled on his underpants, and walked over to Lydia, holding her face in both of his hands.

Draco smiled down at her "Darling it's simple, we call of the weddings. I'll go to Astoria now and tell her, and I like this, you can wear that more often." Winking playfully at Lydia he chuckled at her anxious expression.

"NO DON'T" Lydia objected shrilly. Now Draco was uneasy. Why would she not want him to cancel this wedding to the woman she hated? Lydia walked over to the large bay window watching an elderly couple walking hand in hand to the small church at the bottom of the road in their Sunday best. She knew that that could never be her and Draco, tears slowly ran down her cheeks as she watched the blissfully still in love pair, she would give anything, anything, to be able to grow old with Draco. But that would not be possible, she would never she their children or grandchildren playing or the family dog they would have. She wouldn't even get to see their second first date.

She turned to face the two males upset, but trying desperately to hold it together.

"I did something terrible. My parents were angry you see about us breaking up, they gave me until last summer to work it out with you or fall in love with someone else pure-blooded, but I couldn't. My father said I had to marry Nott now, to uphold our name as purebloods as I disgraced myself enough-according to them- by fighting against them during the war. I refused to marry Theodore Nott, or anybody else, so my father took my wand. He threatened to snap it, if I didn't marry Nott. I said I would do it to save myself and be allowed to stay as a witch. It isn't a coincidence my wedding is on the same day as yours, that way neither of us could attend the others wedding and sabotage it. It gets worse, they forced me under wand-point. I had no choice!" the troubled girl exclaimed loudly grabbing handfuls of her hair. "They forced me to make an unbreakable vow so that I would marry Nott on this day. So if I cancel the wedding or do not participate in any way of my choice I will die." Draco felt as though his heart was breaking, the pain was too much for him, both he and Blaise had to sit down, Draco with his dead in his hands. He looked up at the broken girl before him, weakly and moaned: "After all this time I finally found you and we still can't be together. Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded an answer from her. Lydia smiled sadly at Draco.

"Would it have made any difference? We couldn't have changed anything Dray. So why tell you and spoil the one night we could have together?"

Now Draco glared at her furiously, "Yes, it would have made a difference, as if you would have told me I would never have even kissed you" he spat dangerously. Lydia's eyes clouded with pain gazing at Draco beseechingly, with that he disapparated out of the townhouse and away from the woman who had burned him. Lydia crumpled into the corner of the room, sobbing uncontrollably into her knees rocking back and forth, right now she needed Narcissa and her guidance, she had never before felt more unworthy of Narcissa and her naming Lydia a Malfoy. The bracelet and ring should be with someone braver, stronger who fought for love and wasn't scared for them self. Would Draco still want her though, after her parents snapped her wand and she was effectively a Muggle? Blaise was stunned and didn't know how to help the inconsolable wreck on the floor.

"I'll talk to him" Blaise urged and he also apparated away to try and convince Draco not to throw away everything and to fight for the girl he loved.


	3. Forbidden Love

Forbidden Love 

It was ten to twelve, the wedding was at noon. Lydia regarded herself in the floor length mirror; the ivory dress was too fussy for her with its many layers of chiffon, silk and underskirts. But she looked perfectly adequate. It was the burning in her heart that made this wedding feel impossible, but she had no choice, she was marrying the wrong man, but she couldn't stop it.

Draco paced in one of the sitting rooms off the main hall of the castle, he felt sick and close to tears, angry, confused, lost and every emotion possible he felt it. Blaise placed a hand on Draco's shoulder blade, watching his friend jump out of his skin with fright

"What are you doing Draco? Why hurt her even more? What you said was cruel and you know it, you would never have wanted her if she was the same as a squib." Blaise commented matter-of-factly.

"I will always want her Zabini. It's not a choice anymore, I just love her" said Draco frantically, hostility evident in his voice but it was laced with passion and need.

"Then why are you throwing it all away?"

Draco stooddumbfounded for only a moment; he turned and took off, sprinting away from the scene he had to stop this, he had to apologise, he had to show her he loved her. Lydia might not be able to stop this wedding but nothing said that Draco damn well couldn't. Draco apparated to the church on the other side of town, it was deserted outside in the car park. This was bad, very bad. Everyone had taken their seats. Draco slammed up the stairs two at a time, on the landing Theodore Nott stood inspecting Draco, scheming.

"Forgotten something Draco?" The dark Slytherin asked coolly, Draco desperately tried to swerve around him to find her. "You're not seeing her. She's on the other side of the building, and there are bouncers on the doors, prepared to stun you. I suspected you might try to pull a stunt like this." A bark of cold hard laughter maimed Draco's ears, "Astoria is going to be very, very angry, isn't she? What are you thinking of? I'm sure she'll forgive you though, anything for status and all that" Nott scoffed condescendingly.

"What do you care Nott. You don't love her. Why do this to her? Or to me? You used to be my friend Theo." Tears swam in Draco's eyes, he felt like he was in physical pain, in pureblood marriages there was no such thing as divorce she would be trapped for life, the women who did divorce their husbands were shunned and cast aside from society. Nott shook his head, narrowing his blue eyes at Draco.

"No Draco, I was never your friend. You always thought you were the best, top dog per say. But look who has the last laugh eh, Me! You get the second-best wife and I take away from you the only girl you have ever loved more than yourself." Nott spat gleefully, hatred evident in his voice. "She's beautiful isn't she? I can't wait to see your face after she has my son." Draco lunged for Nott but was pulled off by three of the walking-wall body guards. "I hate to leave you like this Malfoy, but unlike you I have a wedding to get to."

"Get rid of him, I don't want any mistakes" Theo ordered dismissively with a wave of his hand. Draco was unceremoniously thrown outside into the street. He franticly searched for a door he had to stop this. There was no entrance, Draco paced like a caged Tiger, all doors were locked or guarded; hysterically Draco threw himself up the fire escape. Draco found himself in a large stone balcony above the church, it was completely empty, and there was a large thick glass barrier up to stop anyone falling over the edge and into the congregation below. He saw her walking up the aisle, she was so perfect and beautiful, Draco couldn't stand there silently he had to fight back, when the vicar asked for objections Draco hammered on the glass punching it and screaming, that he objected as hard and loudly as he could. Whispers filled the church, like a hive of buzzing beas; she turned tears in her eyes. Draco realised his voice couldn't carry through the glass; it was so pointless he was hurting her more now from his selfishness. She didn't have a choice, if Lydia didn't marry him, she would die and in turn so would he, he couldn't let her die now, and after all of the years he tried to protect her, perhaps he should have left her alone. He mouthed through the glass to her "I'm sorry" and she mimed the same thing back. "I love you" Draco whispered and she echoed that she loved him too. Lydia was crying, Draco was crying and then the bouncers dragged him out throwing him outside into the street. Nott was thoroughly pissed off now.

"Can we just get on with the wedding?" Kissing the groom felt the same Lydia imagined as it would kissing a corpse. Perhaps Nott was thinking the same thing, as now she was an empty body once again without her soul. She was alone and broken once again, except this time Lydia had a husband.

Draco married Astoria a month later against his better judgement and he was miserable, equally so was Lydia. However Nott and Astoria were delighted; submissive partners, who didn't care and they both got what they wanted. Astoria got her status but Draco refused to let her change her surname, he said it wasn't hers. And Theo he had finally outdone Draco and had hurt him in the worst way physically possible.

Lydia was no longer allowed to keep her job (a good wife's job is to look pretty and produce children) therefore she meandered through London depressed and despondent. She browsed in shops peering into the bright and colourful window displays but they didn't make her happy any more. She cut off her family and her friends too but now she was thoroughly isolated and spent a lot of her time alone and the rest of the time with Theo, wanting to be alone. She decided to go to the Ministry, and watch court cases from the public viewing gallery, utterly desperate to work again but even that had been taken by someone else against her will. Just like her true love. The winter's air was painful to her exposed skin as she shoved her bare hands in her pockets in a fruitless attempt to warm them. Even though inwardly she was depressed, Lydia still looked glamorous, her thick brown her fell just over her shoulders full of volume in lush waves. Her large Burberry trench coat looked amazing but was terrible against the December chill. By the time she was inside the ministry of magic she was frozen to the bone, but was comforted by the familiar black marble floors and smell of ash from the many fireplaces which lined the walls. She walked with for just a moment with her eyes closed relishing in her former workplace, breathing in the smells and listening to the sounds, when she crashed headfirst into someone leaving them both on the floor surrounded by a cloud of paperwork.

"I'm very sorry Sir; I wasn't looking where I was going." She rambled trying to gather together the thousands of sheets of paperwork that she had displaced. As Lydia reached to pick up the same sheet of paper as her victim, their hands brushed and a surge of electricity passed in her fingertips and coursed through her veins, she looked up startled and her brown eyes locked with familiar grey ones. Her breath was caught in her throat and her heart hammered so hard against her ribs she thought it would burst out, she felt shaky and sweaty and the infernal thing on her left hand felt alien, almost like a prison warden stood before her dangling the key in front of her face. All she could think of was how much she missed him and wanted to be with him. "How are you?" Draco croaked, his throat was suddenly dry and hoarse.

"I've been better." She smiled sadly at him, her brown eyes were a window to her soul so full of depth and beauty, there was pain flickering in there somewhere again, Draco knew that look.

"Let's go somewhere"

"What now? What about your work?" She whispered intensely, looking around over her shoulder quickly.

"I'm an auror now. I choose my own cases and hours. But honestly it wouldn't matter, seeing you here like this. You've always come first, that never changed for me, I never changed," Draco explained passionately, people were walking towards them, or whispering. He nodded towards a fireplace and she walked a little behind trying to remain subtle.

"Can you stop acting so suspicious? You're doing absolutely nothing wrong...yet" Draco muttered. They entered a fireplace together and Draco apparated them to the Manor, Astoria was visiting her sister and her husband for the weekend, Draco, had point blank refused to go, he would prefer to work than spend any unnecessary time with his wife.

"I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral. I would have given anything to be there," Lydia whispered ashamedly, sinking into one of the familiar drawing room settees.

"Wasn't allowed?" the blond questioned gently.

"Draco, Theo goes mental if I even mention you, so going to an event with you was out of the question. I never thought I would become the pushover wife, I tried to go alone but Theo can be... hostile sometimes." Her voice trailed away to nothing and there was silence for a few seconds. "My feelings never changed either Dray." She spoke in a soft voice; there was sadness though to her. Draco walked towards her, crouched between her thighs and pulled her face towards his capturing her lips immediately. Her response was automatic and her toes curled whilst acrobats did back flips in her stomach. She pushed on his chest breaking the kiss panicked.

"We can't do this, I'm married now, hell, and you're bloody married too. Nott will kill me and I'm sure Astoria will too, think about the vow." Her eyes were wide and her voice was high and raised. She stood pacing the room.

"Why the bloody hell not, purebloods have been having affairs for centuries. The unbreakable vow only said you had to marry Nott, it mentioned nothing about monogamy." Draco was passionate holding her shoulders, shaking her gently.

"I don't want to have to sneak around with you though Dray, I want everyone to know. This isn't fair." Lydia exclaimed, tears filling her eyes.

"This is the only way. I will love you in any way I can. I don't give a shit about Astoria, all that matters is that I love you and I want to see you." He was ardent and determined for her to understand that the benefits outweighed all of the risks. She grabbed his shirt and kissed him fiercely, immediately her body responded and she wanted him there and then. She missed him and loved him, wishing their love was not forbidden. Tongues delved and danced erotically, mixing in a beautiful, poetic and pleasurable way. Draco had one hand behind her head knotting into her thick tresses, whilst the other roamed all over her body, remembering how she felt. The last time had been so perfect that nothing could ever compete; their kiss was desperate and frantic. They stumbled up the many flights of stairs in the manor, various items of thick winter clothing were shed as they staggered, blindly consumed by each other rushing to get to each other's flesh. There was no apprehension this time as they were certain it would be perfect and that they were exactly what the other needed.

They lay together for a few moments; he held her in his arms and drew intricate patterns on the inside of her bare arms. Large frustrated tears fell from her lashes, splattering on the alabaster skin of his chest. She threw herself out of the enormous bed and began to try and find her discarded clothes, but Lydia's vision was obscured by tears. Draco took a large sigh and walked to her pulling her into his warm embrace and for a few seconds her eyes fluttered closed in the tranquillity and how right the moment felt.

"I have to go; Theo will want to know where I am." She whispered her voice was strained and thick as she tried to croak out her words. Draco looked at her in awe of her beauty, even with ruffled hair and smeared makeup; she was so stunning to him.

"This doesn't have to be a onetime thing Lids" he murmured against her hair.


	4. Emotional Pain is worse than physical

Emotional pain is worse than the physical

For the next few months Lydia was becoming increasingly pleasant and cheerful, Nott sensed something was off, therefore he decided to inflict a little pain on his wife, he didn't like the new spirit she possessed and wasn't afraid to fight back against him. Therefore when she arrived home from the luncheon for 'Deprived Orphans of the Sanctuary Service', ( which Draco and Lydia privately called Draco's Organised Sex Sessions) she had started attending around Christmas and was there for most of the afternoon.

"Lydia, I've decided to have the Mr and Mrs Malfoy over for dinner on Saturday evening."

"What? Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass?" Lydia questioned hesitantly, fiddling absent-mindedly with an imaginary piece of fluff on her trousers.

"Yes, of course, but isn't she Astoria Malfoy now?" Theo maliciously drove the knife into her heart and twisting to inflict maximum pain possible, trying to regain his quiet submissive wife once more. Lydia straightened tilting her hard lower jaw out defiantly, looking up to Nott, with her face millimetres from his chin.

"She never changed her surname, it wasn't hers to take" Lydia spat angrily, and then on heel she turned and slammed upstairs to her private study. Trying to scrawl a warning owl to her lover as quickly as possible, her body slumped and she sat with her head in her hands. For the next three days Lydia sat on the floor in her dressing room glancing up at her many rails of dresses utterly confused what to wear. Lydia spent all Friday at the spa, having treatments: manicure, pedicure, massage and a facial, then all of Saturday getting ready. The guests had arrived and Nott was greeting them; she glanced at herself in her floor length crystal Venetian mirror and was pleased with what she saw. Her hair was pinned up intricately in little diamond pins with two loose curls framing her face. The dress was simple but beautiful, floor length emerald green silk, and then dipped low and was backless and reminded Lydia of the dress she wore to the Yule Ball with Draco. She wore a deep red lipstick which stood out from what was otherwise subtle makeup, she opened the third drawer of the dressing table and took out a small bottle of vodka she pressed it to her scarlet mouth and downed it in one go, she was going to need all of her courage tonight. As she descended the staircase which was less grand than the one at Malfoy Manor, all eyes turned to her. Nott smiled wolfishly, eating her with his eyes, the plastic smile was once again swathed her features.

"Here is my lovely wife, looking wonderful as ever." Theo remarked this time aiming to wound Draco, Nott never complimented Lydia usually therefore he had a motive. Theo grabbed her neck and smothered her in a suffocating kiss, violating her mouth with his tongue roughly which was both repulsive and unnecessary. Astoria stood haughtily examining their abode calculatingly a regal expression on her face, she looked down on Lydia with her smaller house and less valuable husband but also the feelings Draco kept for her in a box under their bed, sometimes he would get out the box and look at all of their possibilities, present and past but every time Draco looked into the box, Astoria watched a part of her husband die as it became harder and harder for him to close the lid.

Astoria was wearing a sapphire blue gown which plunged into a neckline that was dangerously deep cut resting onto the protruding breastbone on her pale, bony and otherwise emaciated frame, and a long loop of diamonds covering the exposed flesh. Lydia smiled falsely and forced polite conversation with the woman who stole from her the love of her life, they took to the dining room which was lavishly decorated but was nothing when compared to the extravagance of Malfoy Manor. They sat at the table which was much too long on chairs that were far too heavy. Lydia was done with pureblood society; she would give anything to be a mudblood. But she was trapped in her life with no window or other opportunity for escape. The elves served the far-too-rich set menu for the evening which Nott had chosen, indifferent to his wife's allergy to walnuts which he had chosen to be the sauce to go with the dragon sirloin. It wasn't that Theo was forgetful or not considerate, he was trying to punish his wife; giving her a painful evening, a woman she disliked, the man she loved at a distance, the evening with her husband who she spent no time with because she hated him so fiercely and even food that she couldn't eat. Theo was punishing her for standing up to him occasionally, being happy, pleasant and unknowingly for the affair she was taking part in, with the man who was now in his house...

Quietly Lydia watched her dinner only making small talk when absolutely necessary, she took sneaky glances at Draco across the table from where he sat across from her and occasionally their eyes would meet, Nott had taken the head of the table immediately and Astoria -despite all of her years of etiquette lessons- rudely pushed and took the other table end so that she could rest her skinny arms on the rests and peer into both the sitting room and study looking for any signs of a possible scandal that she could spread about Lydia, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't find one. Lydia sat pushing around her inedible dinner with her fork when she felt a leather clad foot running up her leg; she jumped so high Astoria looked at her strangely. After mumbling something about hiccups she glanced up at Draco through her lashes, he was gazing at her intently smiling dazedly; she slipped her foot out of her stilettos and ran it up his trouser leg, trying not to smile like a fool.

Suddenly there was a flash of green in the fireplace as Blaise Zabini apparated in, Nott glared up questioningly, there was a goblin strike and as the Head of Magical Law Enforcement Theo was called back into work to deal with the situation. There was an awkward silence and Lydia jerked her foot back into her shoe embarrassed, then there was a faint tapping over and over incessantly, Lydia opened the dining room window and a little tawny owl was hopping up and down determinedly presenting its right leg. She removed the haphazardly tied on letter, and in a stylish curling script was Astoria's name. Lydia handed the redheaded witch her envelope, which was quickly snatched out of her hands.

Astoria's older sister Daphne had recently married a Belgian wizard by the name of Hubert Van der Delfosse; he was a tall wizard with very short cropped curly ebony hair and piercing blue eyes, he was terribly good looking and was from a long line of the finest Belgian purebloods, the problem was though that Hubert didn't speak a word of English and Daphne didn't have the foggiest about Dutch (another lovely arranged marriage). Furthermore they now lived in Bruges in a large house and the letter said that a very pregnant Daphne had just gone into labour. Astoria just flooed out from the dining room fireplace and Draco clued Lydia in as to what was going on. They sat in silence for a little while just watching each other.

"Let's get something you can eat." Draco suggested kindly, smirking as her offered her his hand. "How does he not know that you are allergic to walnuts?"

"He knows." Lydia simply sighed quietly. "I don't even know why he's doing this. What have I done to be punished?"

"I'll take you away from this Lydia" Draco murmured determinedly, raw emotion thickening his voice. "If I hadn't pushed you away... It was always to protect you...But if I had been selfish, and like every other day thought only about myself I would have you, this is entirely my fault." Draco whispered regretfully, leaning his head against her temple and closing his eyes, to block out the woman whose face he was missing out on waking up next to every single day. "What if I got a time turner? Then we could change everything." He became optimistic and thoughtful.

"We cannot use a time turner as we have created too much history since that night and we could alter significant events, you cannot use a time turner more than twenty four hours after the event you want to alter." Lydia quotes with her encyclopdia like knowledge. "I do not resent you my love for your choices, everything you did was for the right reasons you did what was right over what was easy which makes you so much more perfect. I do sometimes think about what could have been, but I love you and would die for you, never ever forget that."

Draco leant down and captured Lydia's lips with his own, moulding them together they fit perfectly together like the pieces of her broken heart and gradually Draco was gluing them back together. They kissed as passionately as ever, relishing in each other and the love they harboured, they shed their clothing as though their skin was on fire, the forbidden lovers didn't even make it up the stairs only over to the sofa.

For a few moments they just held each other, until Lydia shrieked and threw herself off Draco's chest and began throwing on her clothes.

"Draco, the wards have been infiltrated. Theo is home, we have protective enchantments so you cannot apparated out of or into the house, that's why he flooed. He's outside the gates and I can't find my bloody knickers."She shrilled panic-stricken.

"Go without" Draco growled irritated that his cuddling session was interrupted; he zipped up the emerald dress as he was already dressed and remembered that she hadn't been wearing a bra, even now still impressed and turned Draco on bizarrely. They sat on opposite sofas making over-polite forced small-talk about honeymoons and holiday locations, when Nott arrived through the front door. Theo stuck out his chin conceitedly and planted himself on the settee beside Draco.

"Where's Astoria?" he questioned suspiciously, as though the two of them had tied her up, gagged her and locked her in the cellar, of course it had already crossed Lydia's mind to do so. But unfortunately she was yet to have such a pleasant opportunity.

"She had to leave for Belgium to be with Daphne who went into labour earlier. Isn't that lovely? Lydia asked in an excessively eager voice.

"I wasn't talking to you." Nott sneered rudely. "Of course it was some mudblood at the Ministry, who was incapable with dealing with the simplest task, they aren't even worthy of magic and shouldn't be indulged. Don't you agree Draco?" Nott was now in a good mood on his favourite topic, of his bigoted archaic opinions on blood purity. Draco however, for the first time in his existence was uncomfortable on the topic and glanced around nervously, and the silence was deafening. Nott lost interest in Draco, he thought he was just being a snob who couldn't be arsed to answer him, Theo fidgeted on the overstuffed settee and felt his palm brush something soft, he glanced down and what he saw displeased him immensely, the facial expression he bore was not unlike Lucius Malfoy.

"Lydia, leave us." Nott said quietly, but the menace in his voice frightened her. She didn't know what was wrong with him and with wide eyes left the room and went to her bedroom, knowing that she would be in immense trouble if Theo heard her listening in.

Nott rose from his seat, and so Draco did too, his grey eyes focused on the small lacy thong clasped between Nott's index finger and thumb. Draco knew that whatever was to come was not good.

"How long have you been having an affair with my wife Malfoy?" Nott said in a dangerously low voice. Draco didn't say a word, his face an impassive blank. "HOW LONG?" Nott shouted suddenly making Draco jump wincing.

"Not long enough." Draco replied vaguely, desperately trying to think of a way to protect Lydia, but he couldn't think of any plans at all.

"Let put it this way for you Malfoy, you will leave her alone and never see her again, this pathetic, disgusting little affair of yours ends now. Don't you think you've hurt her enough? Save her the pain of when you eventually fuck up." Nott spat maliciously yet feigning as though protecting his wife.

"Don't pretend to care about Lydia, you don't give a toss!" Draco exclaimed, "Purebloods have had affairs for centuries, everyone knows about you and your secretary Nott. Why not let her enjoy some part of her life? But you won't because you're a cruel git. I will not stop fighting for her; I lost her once I won't lose her again. I love her and you cannot stop me."Draco spat in Nott's face, his rage was consuming him and he was verging on using Muggle violence and punching the twat.

"Yes Malfoy, you will leave her alone." Nott stated calmly, shoving Draco back onto the couch "as if you don't I will divorce her, she will lose the shred of pureblood credibility she has left. She will officially be cast out and will be valued lower than a Weasley; you know I don't bluff Draco. Oh and Malfoy, she will hate you for it when she is living in a gutter and you are too ashamed to be with her, only the woman caught is punished, not the man. You know this to be true Draco. Now what will you do to cover this up and protect her?"

"Anything" Draco whispered tersely, examining the floor in detail.

"Good boy." Nott laughed coldly "How about an unbreakable vow?"

Lydia heard the latch being pulled on the front door after what seemed like hours of shouting, Lydia knew that Nott must have somehow worked them out, they could never just end it. Draco and she had always loved each other a little too much. She ran with all the strength she had and she flung herself into Draco's arms, held her for just a moment and then roughly pushed her away. Confusion clouded her features, feeling burned she recoiled. Draco shrugged nonchalantly; he walked out of the front door allowing it to slam shut in his wake. A horrible feeling of déjà vu crept into Lydia's system, she turned and fled her stilettos clicking ferociously, she reached the ostentatious marble staircase when a hand seized her elbow, roughly throwing her back to face Nott, as he quickly backhanded her across the face as hard as he could. Lydia crumpled in a layer of emerald silk, for a moment Nott thought he had broken her neck, but then a groan emerged from the limp girl collapsed onto the stairs. She was fearful and dazed she turned slowly back wincing to receive another heavy hit, this time a punch to the nose.

"I'll never leave him" Lydia rasped weakly, "I love Draco, I always have you bastard, and I hate you." She spat passionately, some of her old Gryffindor courage returned and from somewhere she found the strength to fight.

"You stupid bitch, he doesn't want you now I threatened to tell his wife and Draco can't leave her. Didn't Malfoy tell you she was pregnant? He always wanted someone with a little more grace and dignity than you; you were just a mistress, a fling. The wife always comes first; I think you just were easy an shag whilst Astoria was hormonal. I bet he said he loved you as well, you are stupider than I thought." Nott ripped into her aiming to wound with a mixture of lies and truths; he would not be disrespected like this by his own wife.

"You will not disrespect me like this, ever again. You're little affair is over and you are a disgrace you Lydia, also are lucky that I am so forgiving."

"You have to earn respect Theo" Nott rolled his eyes, grabbing his wife by the hair.

"Filthy whore" he snarled hurling Lydia to the floor and throwing the offending underwear at her, and with another kick to her stomach and pull of her hair, he stepped over Lydia coughing, gagging and rasping for oxygen, and continued to undress and get into bed.

Lydia didn't move from her position sprawled across the foot of the staircase painfully for a few hours, her lip was spilt and nose broken, her coiffed her had fallen down in tatters and a clump of it lay on the marble from where she had been grabbed. She looked at herself in her scarlet smeared emerald gown and began to wonder: was magic worth this? Or should she have let her father snap her wand long ago? Gradually she began to agonisingly stand up and walked back to that special couch. She didn't regret a moment. With her wand she put her nose back into place, biting back the screams of pain as it cracked back into place. Lydia stood again and limped to the downstairs cloakroom and hissing sponged the blood out of her scalp and off her face, but it was too painful and fruitless, there was too much to sponge away. The stairs would cause too much pain to contemplate so she turned on the downstairs shower and stepped in, not bothering to undress. She collapsed sobbing into the base of the shower; she curled up holding her knees crying into the wet tiles. Her makeup smeared down her face, her hair was sodden in her eyes and dress ruined, but she didn't care, none of it mattered anymore. She had lost him again. She howled like a lone wolf, deep guttural animalistic screams of sheer agony emerged from the base of her throat as to when her life became so fucked up. She punched the floor until her knuckles were split and bleeding, but she had no one left who cared, Draco had been the last. Her family pushed away all of her true friends, but Lydia helped too, nobody wants to befriend a carcass.

However Draco had seen everything Nott had done from the window and was pained as to what had become of her she had lost herself, she no longer even had the strength to fight back, and Draco blamed himself entirely. Her personality was gone too, she used to have so much strength and fight, cheer and laughter she had been a little selfish and stubborn and conceited and a little to gullible and naive but Draco had loved all those flaws just as much as he had adored her radiance. He had to lose her again, to protect her. Draco never ever learnt from his mistakes. Idiot. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.


	5. Chinks in the Armour

Chinks in the Armour

The next morning Lydia found herself on the bathroom floor after she had crawled from the shower. As she woke every single muscle of her being ached and screamed her begging her not to move, but Lydia had to pick herself up. She would not go quietly. Although she put on fresh clothes: a simple jumper and jeans, she staggered from the house. With no makeup on and didn't even try to heal the obvious injuries to her body. She flooed to the fire in Draco Malfoy's office and immediately began to scream at him furiously.

"How dare you cast me aside like a used condom. Yes I went there! Shut up. You used me, you knew I was vulnerable, I beginning to become me again and you had to break me all over again. You selfish cruel git, you said you wouldn't hurt me again and look at me now. LOOK AT ME!" she bellowed as Draco tried to look away from the horrific sight that was her face, swollen, and bruised, with gashes and cuts, black framed her left eye which she could no longer see out of, and the most hideous thing was the small bald patch where there was once hair. A small crowd was gathering on the office floor scandalised, pushing and shoving to try and see and recognise the maimed face. But no one could, she looked alien. Draco grabbed yesterday's bruises as she sobbed with pain and dragged her kicking and screaming and biting and clawing into the fireplace like a frenzied animal.

"How dare you manhandle me. Stay away from me, I hate you. Why do you always have to screw up my life? Grow a spine! Fight for me. But you always were a coward, even when you were a disgusting evil death eater. How could you sleep with me and tell me you loved me when you knew Astoria was pregnant with your child. Well I have news you git, so am I!"

They landed unceremoniously in Malfoy Manor, the elegance of the manor still stunned her but raw emotion overwhelmed her. Then again she was crying helplessly "and I don't know even who's child it is. Yes, Nott has forced himself upon me. I just want to leave, but I'm trapped. You then took the easy option, you ran away, you said you were in love with me; you said you would fight for me. I hate having to love you, but it's not a choice any more I'm compelled to love you I have to." Her voice cracked as she crumbled.

"Oh my darling, of course I love you, I always have Lydia." He spoke gently taking her face in both hands. "I know I should have told you of Astoria, of course I should have, and I'm not thrilled at all at the proposition of a mini Astoria. We are expected to continue the lineage; otherwise people will say I'm infertile." Draco shuddered grimacing, at the possibility of his sexual potential be slandered. "I would love for that baby to mine, created by our love for each other." He rested his hand on Lydia's already starting to swell stomach.

"Why don't we just run then Dray? Together we could make each other happy. Or do you actually care what society think?" She murmured softly.

"I wish more than anything that could happen. But I can't, I made the vow this time, to Nott. I told him I would not engage in an affair with you, to protect you and your status, he wouldn't disgrace you and abandon you. I wouldn't ask you to lose everything for me, that wouldn't be fair." Draco was gentle and honest divulging the information her never intended to give away. But now Lydia was angry her temper was prickling and she could hear the blood pumping in her ears.

"How could you be so stupid? Don't you ever learn?" She screamed furiously. "We could have spent the rest of our lives together; I don't give a toss about society and status. But by protecting me I have lost my everything, you! Twice! I am lost in a loveless marriage to a horrible evil man and now you cannot save me." Her frustration was lost to hurt and pain as their chance for happily ever after they had once again ruined by themselves needlessly. Draco looked to the fragile, broken and damaged girl who stood before him. With a black eye, slit lip, ragged air, numerous cuts and bruises, a suspected broken rib, split knuckles and the eyes which were swollen and red raw from crying. Draco knew he never should have left her alone with Nott after what had happened, but once again he was being foolish. He took Lydia into his arms and allowed her to cry and so did he. He apologised over and over as they held each other. Gently Draco kissed her on the forehead as it was what the vow would allow. They closed their eyes and wished they could change each other's lives in ways which were simply impossible.

"I guess this is goodbye then." Lydia spoke feigning strength badly. They shook hands in an overly formal way.

"Goodbye" Draco whispered. Lydia turned a walked away slowly, as she was still in great pain, both physically and in her heart. She turned and walked away down the lush garden path, past the hedges and mazes played in during their childhood. The trees bared no leaves and the lake was just beginning to thaw. Suddenly there was an almighty crash and a flash of white, as Draco sprinted towards her down the long garden driveway and threw himself into her arms. He locked his hands tenderly behind her head and said "I love you and always will. Don 't you ever forget that." Draco was tender but spoke with great passion his stormy eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

"I won't ever forget you or my love for you. How could I? I love you too" her laugh was watery and laced with sorrow but at least this time they could properly say goodbye.


	6. The Final Farewell

The Finale Farewell

Days turned to weeks and weeks became months and months turned to years. Seasons came and went and so did marriages of purebloods. But two couples of the oldest families never divorced or even separated. Everyone knew that not one of the couples were happy. However, Blaise surprised everybody in making Luna Lovegood his fiancé, they were what Lydia and Draco wished they could be. For they loved each other forsaking all others, they didn't care what anyone else said of felt other than themselves. It was a cold September first, the days were shorter and the nights longer, the breeze had more of a chilling bite to it than that of August but yet fully fledged autumn was not in place. Lydia pulled the royal blue pasmina closer to her throat the attractive Ralph Lauren blazer did nothing against the chill. Kings Cross Station was full of the hustle and bustle of everyday. A small family stood together feigning togetherness, when actually they couldn't be further apart. A boy, small for his age stood clutching his mother's hand as she cried losing another person who she loved, but this loss was only temporary.

Suddenly Nott seemed excited and un-Nott-ish, "Ah, the Malfoys" panic struck Lydia as she clutched her son's little hand tightly, this was it. The big moment. Draco hadn't changed; he still looked his usual suave and attractive self. Sub- consciously Lydia bit her lips, stripping away the flesh, his eyes did that too those grey orbs. They penetrated her soul, made her feel whole again and as though she was the most precious item in the world. Astoria had her hair shorter now in a fashionable attractive bob, which shined in the sun, but her gaunt face seemed more haggard now, from years-perhaps decades- of malnutrition. A small girl stood before them with chestnut curls and piercing grey eyes, she was obviously her father's daughter. However, Nott was really cruel showing Lydia and forcing her to mingle and converse with the people who had everything she wanted, however one part of Lydia's life made her extremely happy.

"So who's this?" Astoria asked surprisingly conversationally but looking at the boy, you could see why she was asking.

"Scorpius Sharpe" Lydia said seriously never braking eye contact with Draco a huge smile broke Draco's features with pure glee. Scorpius was frozen stunned looking from Draco to his mother, then back at himself. Astoria and Nott were silent as the grave, Nott knew the father of this child it was obvious and so paid it no interest or affection. Looking down at the little boy Draco was shocked to see an exact replica of himself at eleven; small and skinny the same angular features with penetrating grey eyes and a shock of fair platinum hair. Tears were in both of Scorpius's parents even that name held significance to years ago.

_Two teenagers laid in front of a roaring fire, they were toasty and warm and just loved being together like this. Privately Lydia and Draco could be whoever they wanted without having to conform to houses or stereotypes, they could just be themselves. Lydia lay on top of Draco, with her head above his heart, they spent hours like this talking with their fingers intertwined, caressing each other's hands. _

"_When we get married, what engagement ring would you like?" Draco asked curiously._

"_Trust you to think of the expensive stuff" she giggled, as he tickled her, "but it is an easy one a white princess cut diamond on a platinum band, nothing tacky or oversized" She elbowed him in the ribs, wheezing with laughter._

"_Me tacky?" gasped the blonde outraged "I would like to marry you one day somewhere private just us and our closest loved ones." Draco sincerely said nuzzling her throat playfully._

"_Even Harry?" Lydia asked genuinely, he was Lydia's best friend and the source of many spats between her and Draco. _

"_Even Potter. Whatever you want, that's all that matters." Draco was rewarded with a kiss, then reprimanded with a punch to the ribs as he started groping her left breast "As long as Blaise can come, for my sanity's sake."_

"_Of course, he nice, but no Nott he freaks me out, always glaring at you, and he gives me the pervy-ist stares" Lydia whispered tentatively, and Draco laughed heartily._

"_That's because you are gorgeous. When we marry we will have sex every single day, twice a day to make up for lost time. Deal?" Draco proposed grinning; he got another punch to the gut._

"_Deal." She said slightly confused why she was agreeing to Draco's terms. "But I want to name the children; you'll have odious choice in names. Like Salazar or something" She began to laugh again as Draco looked affronted. "What would you want first a boy or a girl?" She asked curiously probing herself up on her elbows._

"_Ow!" Draco said removing said bony elbows from his chest. "But if you must know I wouldn't mind as long as it was with you, but I'd like a boy first, to carry the Malfoy name and beat the crap out of boys wanting to date his little sister" Lydia rolled her eyes at the Malfoy legacy part. But he perked her interest now._

"_So you want more than one?" She asked_

"_Of course, you do know babies are made right? She rolled her eyes at him and hit him again at another reference to her celibacy. "And I would not have 'odious' choice of names, I'm very good at naming things."_

"_Dray, you named your penis Sir Pleasure" She rasped between giggles, with her eyes brows raised._

"_I only named it that because you wouldn't name it at all. I thought the name was suitable for what it's good at causing" he took her earlobe into his warm mouth and huskily whispered in her ear. They kissed passionately for a moment with her stroking the nape of his neck gently until he groaned and him caressing her waist desperately trying to fondle Lydia's breasts, just as Draco got tantalisingly close, she pulled away. Draco pouted in disappointment._

"_Well what would you name a son then? If your naming skills aren't that bad" she proposition, whist kissing his Adam's apple gently, which was most distracting._

"_What about Scorpius? I like it" _

"_NO! That's horrendous; no child of mine will ever be called Scorpius. What is it with Malfoy's and naming their children stupid names? Let's see we have Abraxus, Lucius, even worse and the worst of all Draco." _

"_That's it you're done for Sharpe!" he growled as she squealed and ran he took off after her pinning her and tickling her to death, until they became very distracted by each other's lips..._

The sad part however is that none of their dreams or desires came true, apart for Scorpius. Even the most basic and most important one, just to have each other forever to love and to hold. Draco's daughter was already on the Hogwarts Express, but Scorpius was stood dumb-founded at Lydia's side, looking at his mother imploring for someone to explain what was going on. Lydia squatted and took Scorpius into her arms crying softly demanding he wrote often, and to work hard and be good. Scorpius also was a trouble maker like Draco, which either drove Lydia mad or made her smile. Everyday Lydia missed Draco and what they could have been but they had made too many stupid mistakes, they had both missed their window of opportunity. Nott took Scorpius and helped him with his luggage and owl, Astoria had already done the same and was finding a carriage.

"You look good Dray" she smiled sadly, knowing that their time was limited, before their spouses would return once more.

"You too my love." Draco knew that once he would have been grinning roguishly at her saying that, but age had changed them and they were now two serious people. Still unconventionally and desperately in love. Lydia stood watching the train depart crying softly, her rock and purpose to life was now leaving her too, she was always abandoned, especially by Malfoy's, which there was no doubt Scorpius was a Malfoy.

"He'll be ok, you know" Draco smiled as their partners returned

Slowly Lydia smiled sadly knowing that she did always have Scorpius, a piece of love her and Draco created together on Lydia suspected either: a bed, kitchen counter or sofa almost twenty years ago.

"Yes he will", Lydia smiled up gazing into the grey irises "He's a lot like his father."

**I will also be writing an alternate ending as I couldn't decide which to use, so there still is hope for them. Thankyou if you've read this, a lot of hard work and hours has gone into it, I'm grateful for every single reader. Please can you review though so I can have feedback for next time I write, and reviews also inspire me to write more and to a better quality. Singeylove .P.S Keep your eye out for the alternate ending, it will be slower out though as I start sixth form on Thursday.**


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